those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I met the friendliest cop last night
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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