Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
