He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
