Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I touched a dick in church today
i believe in u and ur pee
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
