I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Randomize
