i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
