So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Randomize
