I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
