i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize