and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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