So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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