Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
