She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
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I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
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I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
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