You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize