Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
