Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
as a side note pls kill me
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
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