awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
