I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
