i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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