I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
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So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
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PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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