we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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