I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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