she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
