Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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