New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
