the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
