i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"