i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
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I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
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There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off