not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal