So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
These 23 People Share the Worst Advice They’ve Been Given
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
The 33 Worst Things Men Have Said While Hitting On Women
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins