i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag