Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
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All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
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Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..