Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
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Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
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I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend