So drunk, too bad you don't want this
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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