Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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