dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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