no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
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