guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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