You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
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