I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
