You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
You ruined the universe
I had to cum in my sink.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
