It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
