Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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