the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
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He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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