u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
