Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
he quoted the bible to break up with me
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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