Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
