did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
