Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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