New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
He has the fingertips of a God
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
