youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
