Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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