it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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