Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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