I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
