I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I got inside last night via doggy door
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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