My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
We had sex on a dog bed..
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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