feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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