I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
