I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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