I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
