They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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