where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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