He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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