clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
