That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
God, you're like boner-b-gone
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
